| To my little birds, for whom I will forever ache, missing under my wings since 12/13/2012…
Gone, but always on my mind and in the hole in my heart that can only be filled by you, A, R, R, Z. You are forever in my prayers and thoughts. My hope is that you are truly happy, genuinely allowed to enjoy your childhood, and that you do not suffer paralyzing grief because of our separation.
I hold hope in my heart that one day we can sweep up the pieces, laugh and cry about all we have lost/missed, and can never again be forcibly kept apart. This poem is by Emily Dickinson…and is my dreaded, daily reminder of you, my sweet Angelbabies…love you to the moon and back, more than ice cream, and forever and always… “Quite empty, quite at rest, A.R.R.Z In My Heart © 2016 Love Letters To Our Children 
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” My Daughters-
Can you feel me when I dream of you?
Does your heart feel my heart as it reaches for you,
tugs at you in the night?
Does your soul hear my pain as it howls at the wind?
Missing you, loving you,
Grieving the loss of you in my life,
I am forever changed
You are never forgotten and always loved.”
© D.L 2015 Love Letters To Our Children
” It’s not just me missing you. Everyone here on my side of the mirror remembers you face and your infectious smile. The friends you had are still your friends. Family too is always here loving you, still rooting for you, wishing you well and wishing you back into our lives.”
© L.D 2015 Love Letters To Our Children
I know my arm is strong
the landscape of it’s breadth has held new life
has cradled the sweetest innocence
and protected a beating heart
I know my arm is strong
the same arm,
clenched tight by an angry fist,
is still strong
My voice is still here
the power of my words to heal and sooth
the joy of song and treasured talk
the chosen silence and the answers
no matter how heavy the hand
to bring down my voice,
my voice is still here
The heart
no words can tell
written, spoken, heard,
how you are my heart
my dearest child
that the deepest well within my being
holds your light and memory
always,
always,
and no man
no woman
no power, being, or force
shall take you from me
shall shake my grasp
of hope
that i will be your mother
that you are my child
and I will always love you.
K.J © 2015 Love Letters To Our Children
Some of the Things Your Real Mommy Loves About You, but Not All
Sunday, August 10, 2014, Day # 801 Without You, May This Message Find You My Little Love… Mommy’s Sunflower,
You used to giggle in your sleep, and that is how Mommy knew you were happy.
Mommy holding you, 6 mos. old, in front of church
1. All of Your Fantastic Smiles– mischievous (as in, “I just hid something so that you can’t find it, but I want you to find it”), sweet and angelic (like when you used to come and hug Mommy and pray with her or cuddle up and read with Mommy), thrilled and excited (while you clap your hands together and put them under your chin and giggle as if awaiting a Christmas present), wry (smirk as in, “Ha-ha, funny, but you didn’t fool me”), competitive (as in, “Mommy, I’m tired and can’t run anymore”…and then you sprint ahead and beat Mommy to the next mile-marker on the track), happy (as if enjoying a Happy Meal or playing troll under the bridge at the park with Mommy), the epiphany smile (as in, “Hey, I figured it out!”), Content, the Reciprocal Smile (smile back at someone smiling at you),….etc.;
2. The Way You Giggled in Your Sleep as a Baby and Then Talked In Your Sleep Just Like Mommy;
3. Your Sweet Little Laugh that I/Mommy could just bottle-up and sell with a pretty bow around it;
4. Your Spirit;
5. Your Comedy;
6. Your Wit and Sense of Humor;
7. Your intelligence, giftedness;
8. Your joie de vie, the joy of life, our happiness;
9. Your Adorable Little Face with the “apples” Mommy could just eat right out of those cute cheeks;
10. How you “stole Mommy’s eyes” and put them in yours;
11. The way you used to say, “Grr, Grr,” as a sign of affection in the morning or at night;
12. How You Used to Love to Snuggle with Mummy and Read at Bedtime;
13. Your endurance jogging and walking in Memorial Park and at Bear Creek Soccer Park with Mommy;
14. Your courage;
15. Your excitement when you got a new toy;
16. Your strength;
17. How Easy You Were to Please and How Easily Amused You Were;
18. How You Never Wanted to Leave Mommy, Just Like Mommy Never Wanted to Leave You for a Second;
19. Holding You as a Little Baby;
20. Your Pictures;
21. Your Sweetness and Light from the Lord; and
22. Your Bear Hugs and Kisses;
23. Your Helpfulness;
24. Your practical common sense;
25. Your well-rounded talents and how you were good at everything you tried;
26. Your Creativity and Imagination;
27. How Good You are at Memory Game;
28. Playing Operation, Hungry, Hungry Hippos, and Bingo and Boggle with You;
29. Taking Care of You When You Were Sick;
30. Shopping for You;
31. How special and unique you are, your Brilliance;
32. Your fascination with nature as a little child;
33. Your Determination;
34. Your Boldness Combined With Your Humility and Unpredictable Caution;
35. The Way You Loved Your Daddy and Mommy; and of course,
36. Watching You Sleep.
But this is just a short list, for Mommy will always love everything about you, and I will always be here for you as long at the Lord lets me. You should remember this every time you see a beautiful, bright, mysterious moon, a pretty sunflower, when you hold a good book, when you go swimming at the pool, go to the park, put a sticker on your hand like Mommy used to do so that you knew she was thinking about you whenever you looked at it at pre-school, whenever you ace a spelling test on Fridays, whenever you see a pretty bird take flight in the sky, know that Mommy is near like a Momma bird is never far from her nest of babies, even when she has to go and forage for food to bring back to them.
I love you, my little angel! I miss you every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Another first day of school is almost here for you–the third one in a-row (all of them) that they have kept you away from your Mommy. My heart breaks thinking about this. I do hope you are happy, my love, but I also hope you never stop thinking about your real Mommy and coming home as soon as possible. You can always come home. “Home is where the heart is.”
Sweetheart, my only “child,” my son, you are a rare gem, a jewel that sparkles like no other will ever sparkle for your Mummy. You are truly one in a million, and cannot and will not be replaced in my heart. Again, I will see you in my dreams, if I am lucky.
Love always,
Your real mummy, unconditionally, no matter what, forever
© F.C.F 2015 Love Letters To Our Children
To my sons- Val
Long ago, child, do you remember still?
When I was a good mother and we made s’mores
You stabbed each marshmallow, dead-center,
Always careful to get it just right, delighting in your skill.
I can still smell those nights, all damp wood and sugar on fire
You couldn’t resist the urge to watch them burn
And hold them, torch-triumphant, in upraised fists of glory
I loved to watch you waving them like power
Your face clenched in victory over the elements of life
A simple bag of sugar can make us into gods
But finally, hungry and ready, you placed your fate into my hands
And asked for golden brown with full faith.
You knew, you knew that I was patient, capable and kind
So I took my time, spinning and spinning over glowing embers
While you watched like it was church, silent and still
And when it was finally perfect like the night
You kept vigil as I slid it so carefully, golden and plump
Between graham cracker and chocolate, slowly like a prayer
And when I delivered it safely into your waiting hands
You knew that it was never just about giving you dessert
~ © L.D 2014 Love Letters To our Children
I remember you last….
Standing at the edge of your crib
Your eyes so bright
Your smile, toothless,
Drool pooling on your chin.
Just like every morning,
I kissed your head,
And lifted your chubby body
From the crib
You snuggled against me
My heart rose in my chest
Like a blazing sun.
I remember running out
Of coffee creamer,
And tipping a bottle of formula
Into my cup.
I remember your hands
Stained with sweet potato baby food,
You drew crazy spirals on your tray,
And I imagined those hands, one day…
Would be an artist, a builder, a teacher
Someone great and important
But always my baby.
You are forever a baby in my memory
I lost custody when you were so young…
The “protective order” did little to protect me,
Because in the end he hurt me
In the worst way possible…
By taking you from me.
In my memory you are still that happy baby,
In reality, you will be graduating from high school.
I have tried to write letters and send gifts
Did you get them?
I have tried to see you,
But was always turned away.
And when he moved away,
I was not given a forwarding address.
But I stayed in our home,
Keeping your room exactly the way you left,
You softie blanket is still folded in your crib
And your starry mobile hangs at the window,
Dust has collected on your tiny clothes,
I did not change a thing…
Hoping one day you would return.
Now, as you graduate from high school,
Do you wonder about me?
Or ask who I am?
I am your Mommy
The first one you smiled at
The one who answered your cries in the night
The one who encouraged your sweet potato artistry
The heart that throbbed when you placed your
Small head against my chest.
I am where you left me,
Standing near your crib,
Awaiting your smile,
Just like every morning.
© E.J. Perth 2015 Love Letters To Our Children
I wrote this for the Protective Mothers who are dealing with the loss of their children during the graduation season; you are in my prayers. xoxo
Dear Daughter,
I love you more than words can convey. And I can’t begin to tell you how painful, how agonizing it has been to have been kept from expressing love to my child —
to have been prevented from caring for you. And to hear from others of signs you are showing signs of pain & emptiness…
I can’t express how desperately difficult this is, & how terrible it feels not to be able to make anyone protect you, let alone be blocked from reaching out & keeping you safe. It (this issue) is not you; it is this situation we’ve been put in — a situation which began a while back.
I will be where you need me to be. You only have to let me know. I would already be there if I knew it did not create trouble for you. I love you. I am here for you, waiting to know what you need me to do under these painful circumstances.
We are not alone. Other daughters & moms are also going thru this hell. We are praying for each other & for PEACE. But most of all,
I’m praying for you — your safety & wellness & right to love & enjoy your entire family. (These things all go together.There is no peace with DV By Proxy or alienation.
I MISS YOU — your humor, your sweetness, your curiosity, your creativity, your talent with critters… our experiments with crafts/projects gone wrong, our practical jokes…
I’m so sad that so much time has been stolen — not just these past few years, but since you were small, too. And so much peaceful mother-daughter & family time was interfered with.
But I was happy for you because I thought you had all the caring attention I never had. I also thought (& had been encouraged to believe) that I had less value than others in your life, but now I realize that is a lie.
So many things I did & decisions I made were about trying to hold things together for our family under the weight of confusion. Although I regret my mistakes, ignorance, lack of parenting skills in an unfamiliar & unsecure situation, I’ve accepted (with the help of others) that I’m human.
While no one person should be at the center of any one’s life all the time (and no one, daughter, should limit who you love at any time, including — especially including: yourself), I strongly believe in the value I have in your life, or I would not bother in the face of so much painful rejection.
Control and rejection are two major components of alienation
You know I stand for forgiveness, inclusiveness, love, harmony, & peace…, but I stand against intentional cruelty, with a heart ready to forgive that, too.
You have also inspired me to share with others about why someone should consider vegetarian and vegan choices!
Your loved ones need you to be safe & healthy!!
But, I am also enjoying all the little blessings & not-so-little things in life, & I pray for the day you will enjoy them with me & your whole family.
Love always, Momma
big hug, little hug, little kiss, little hug…
© D.T.H 2014 Love Letters To Our Children
protectivemothersallianceinternational
March 28, 2014 at 11:16 am Edit
Love Letters To Our Children 