I love you more than words can convey. And I can’t begin to tell you how painful, how agonizing it has been to have been kept from expressing love to my child —
to have been prevented from caring for you. And to hear from others of signs you are showing signs of pain & emptiness…
I can’t express how desperately difficult this is, & how terrible it feels not to be able to make anyone protect you, let alone be blocked from reaching out & keeping you safe. It (this issue) is not you; it is this situation we’ve been put in — a situation which began a while back.
I will be where you need me to be. You only have to let me know. I would already be there if I knew it did not create trouble for you. I love you. I am here for you, waiting to know what you need me to do under these painful circumstances.
We are not alone. Other daughters & moms are also going thru this hell. We are praying for each other & for PEACE. But most of all,
I’m praying for you — your safety & wellness & right to love & enjoy your entire family. (These things all go together.There is no peace with DV By Proxy or alienation.
I MISS YOU — your humor, your sweetness, your curiosity, your creativity, your talent with critters… our experiments with crafts/projects gone wrong, our practical jokes…
I’m so sad that so much time has been stolen — not just these past few years, but since you were small, too. And so much peaceful mother-daughter & family time was interfered with.
But I was happy for you because I thought you had all the caring attention I never had. I also thought (& had been encouraged to believe) that I had less value than others in your life, but now I realize that is a lie.
So many things I did & decisions I made were about trying to hold things together for our family under the weight of confusion. Although I regret my mistakes, ignorance, lack of parenting skills in an unfamiliar & unsecure situation, I’ve accepted (with the help of others) that I’m human.
While no one person should be at the center of any one’s life all the time (and no one, daughter, should limit who you love at any time, including — especially including: yourself), I strongly believe in the value I have in your life, or I would not bother in the face of so much painful rejection.
Control and rejection are two major components of alienation
You know I stand for forgiveness, inclusiveness, love, harmony, & peace…, but I stand against intentional cruelty, with a heart ready to forgive that, too.
You have also inspired me to share with others about why someone should consider vegetarian and vegan choices!
Your loved ones need you to be safe & healthy!!
But, I am also enjoying all the little blessings & not-so-little things in life, & I pray for the day you will enjoy them with me & your whole family.
Love always, Momma
big hug, little hug, little kiss, little hug…
© D.T.H 2014 Love Letters To Our Children
March 28, 2014 at 11:16 am Edit