Dory’s Purple Shells – An Encouraging Message for Protective Mothers

“Finding Dory” (2016, Pixar) is a touching animated movie about a fish named Dory who gets separated from her parents at a young age, and goes on a journey in search of them. Guiding Dory are the memories she has held onto all of her life. Since Dory suffers from “short term remembery loss” she is guided by only glimpses of her past, and along with it, the sense of home, and feeling of belonging.

Years pass. Dory meets new friends, including a quirky fish named Nemo, that become like family. One day, Dory’s memory gets triggered, and she is compelled to find her lost family.When Dory was young, her parents set out a trail of purple shells to teach her how to find her way back home, she follows it.  So Dory sets off on an epic journey to find her parents.

Dory’s parents spent years forming trails for her to follow – up and down valleys, across distances and through the dark currents of the ocean, in the hopes that she would eventually find them.

“Finding Dory” offers a powerful message for Protective Mothers separated from their children that is familiar to those who have experienced this particular kind of pain, grief and loss.  

And for children separated from their mothers, what Dory felt may also be familiar – missing family, fear of rejection and the emotional experience of trying to piece together memories.

The purple shells are what connect Dory to her parents, and trigger the memories that eventually lead her home. The tiny shells are unremarkable in the vastness of the ocean. At times the sandy floor washes over them, and they disappear. But Dory is not alone, with the support of her friends, she finds her way.

What are your purple shells? Each parent and child has something special or shares something that links them together. It could be a physical or emotional reminder. A trinket, photograph, a prayer or special song, a drawing or toy etc

You can also create “purple shells” to honor your parent/child or to preserve special memories. Some ideas: scrap booking, releasing balloons on special occasions, lighting a candle, spiritual celebration, talking with friends/family, writing a letter etc.

Create a Path in the ways you can. Find creative ways to connect to or reach out to your parent/child if possible. Use your shells to bridge the distance. Seek support to help cope with the loss or grief.

Another message in “Finding Dory” is that Dory, and her parents, never gave up hope. The love they have for each other is unconditional. For those mothers/children who are estranged from each other, and have no contact or communication, there is a value in hope. And value in holding onto the love you share. Through love, we maintain our “purple shells”, our connection to our family – and it does not diminish with time or distance.

Also, when Dory was separated from her parents she found other ways to express her energy and love, and was able to channel her loss in a positive direction. You see that especially in her unique optimism, and her loyalty to friends. Though a loss of a parent/child can never be replaced, we can channel the expression of our love, and what that person meant to us, in other areas of our life. Or use that love to make a positive difference in the world. Some ideas: volunteer, be a friend, participate in community groups/activities, do something in memory of your loved one, fight for a cause, raise awareness, join a prayer chain etc

Final message – Never give up!

~ EJ, 2016.

Another Perspective:  

Mother, Carrie Goldman, shares her thoughts after watching “Finding Dory” with her family. Carrie’s teen daughter was profoundly moved by the movie. Carrie shares insights from her perspective of “Finding Dory” and on her daughter’s reaction to it. Finding Dory: Why It Made My Seventh Grader Cry by Carrie Goldman

 

 

A Mother’s Letter to ‘My Little Birds, Missing Under My Wings’ by A.R.R.Z In My Heart

To my little birds, for whom I will forever ache, missing under my wings since 12/13/2012…

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Gone, but always on my mind and in the hole in my heart that can only be filled by you,

A, R, R, Z. You are forever in my prayers and thoughts.

My hope is that you are truly happy, genuinely allowed to enjoy your childhood, and that you do not suffer paralyzing grief because of our separation.

I hold hope in my heart that one day we can sweep up the pieces, laugh and cry about all we have lost/missed, and can never again be forcibly kept apart.

This poem is by Emily Dickinson…and is my dreaded, daily reminder of you, my sweet Angelbabies…love you to the moon and back, more than ice cream, and forever and always…

“Quite empty, quite at rest,
The Robin locks her Nest, and tries her Wings.
She does not know a Route
But puts her Craft about
For rumored Springs
She does not ask for Noon
She does not ask for Boon,
Crumbless and homeless, of but one request
The Birds she lost.”

A.R.R.Z In My Heart © 2016 Love Letters To Our Children

Source: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net
Source: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net

 

One Step Closer By J.D ( Song )

Created for  my son , though it fits all moms of loss of a child to others against their will, who are longing for reunion, and to show their precious child(ren) they have longed for them, ached for them, waited for them, because they love them.
“One step closer” an original by me, J. D
(based on Christina Peri’s A thousand years and sung to the same melody)
Heart still aches
Memories I can’t erase
I try to be brave
I try to hold on though I’m afraid
I’ll fall
I’m finding it hard to cope
But I have faith, believing our reunion is just
One step closer
[Chorus:]
Someday I hope you will reach out for me
When you do you will see
I have loved you for all these years
And I’ll love you forever more
Time goes fast
Sorrow and loneliness
How to be brave
How to be strong when I’m in all this pain
I’m standing I wont be shamed
All of my strength
Every breath I take brings me…
One step closer
[Chorus:]
Someday I hope you will reach out for me
When you do you will see
I have loved you for all these years
And I’ll love you forever more
And every day I’m alive I will stay true
Fate will lead your heart to me
I have loved you for all these years
And I’ll love you forever more
One step closer
One step closer
[Chorus:]
Someday I hope you will reach out for me
When you do you will see
I have loved you for all these years
And I’ll love you forever more
And every day I’m alive I will stay true
Fate will lead your heart to me
I have loved you for all these years
And I’ll love you forever more

J.D © 2015 Love Letters To Our Children

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I Love Mommy ( A Son’s Drawing and Letter To His Hero Protective Mom)

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“I Love Mommy”

© S.B 2015 Love Letters To Our Children

 

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S’mores in Heaven By L.D ( Poetry)

Long ago, child, do you remember still?
When I was a good mother and we made s’mores
You stabbed each marshmallow, dead-center,
Always careful to get it just right, delighting in your skill.

I can still smell those nights, all damp wood and sugar on fire
You couldn’t resist the urge to watch them burn
And hold them, torch-triumphant, in upraised fists of glory
I loved to watch you waving them like power
Your face clenched in victory over the elements of life
A simple bag of sugar can make us into gods
But finally, hungry and ready, you placed your fate into my hands
And asked for golden brown with full faith.

You knew, you knew that I was patient, capable and kind
So I took my time, spinning and spinning over glowing embers
While you watched like it was church, silent and still
And when it was finally perfect like the night
You kept vigil as I slid it so carefully, golden and plump
Between graham cracker and chocolate, slowly like a prayer
And when I delivered it safely into your waiting hands
You knew that it was never just about giving you dessert
~  © L.D 2014 Love Letters To our Children

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I Am Where You Left Me By E.J. Perth (Poetry)

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I remember you last….

Standing at the edge of your crib

Your eyes so bright

Your smile, toothless,

Drool pooling on your chin.

Just like every morning,

I kissed your head,

And lifted your chubby body

From the crib

You snuggled against me

My heart rose in my chest

Like a blazing sun.

I remember running out

Of coffee creamer,

And tipping a bottle of formula

Into my cup.

I remember your hands

Stained with sweet potato baby food,

You drew crazy spirals on your tray,

And I imagined those hands, one day…

Would be an artist, a builder, a teacher

Someone great and important

But always my baby.

You are forever a baby in my memory

I lost custody when you were so young…

The “protective order” did little to protect me,

Because in the end he hurt me

In the worst way possible…

By taking you from me.

In my memory you are still that happy baby,

In reality, you will be graduating from high school.

I have tried to write letters and send gifts

Did you get them?

I have tried to see you,

But was always turned away.

And when he moved away,

I was not given a forwarding address.

But I stayed in our home,

Keeping your room exactly the way you left,

You softie blanket is still folded in your crib

And your starry mobile hangs at the window,

Dust has collected on your tiny clothes,

I did not change a thing…

Hoping one day you would return.

Now, as you graduate from high school,

Do you wonder about me?

Or ask who I am?

I am your Mommy

The first one you smiled at

The one who answered your cries in the night

The one who encouraged your sweet potato artistry

The heart that throbbed when you placed your

Small head against my chest.

I am where you left me,

Standing near your crib,

Awaiting your smile,

Just like every morning.

© E.J. Perth 2015 Love Letters To Our Children

I wrote this for the Protective Mothers who are dealing with the loss of their children during the graduation season; you are in my prayers. xoxo

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I Miss My Babies by C.P (Poetry)

I miss my babies, every night I can’t tuck them in,

help them with homework,

hold them when they hurt, help them find solutions to their problems –

teach them to be the men that I would like to see them become….

happy healthy and fulfilled and confident in their choices.

I want to encourage good choices, close friendships, silliness, love, joy,

non-judgement and an insatiable curiosity about life.

I have hope that there will be some positive changes happening,

but I pray for patience!

© C.P 2013 Love Letters To Our Children

 

 

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Looking for Echoes of Your Fingers (Quote)

This reminds me of… I have not cleaned the smudges off the windows in  the children’s bedroom because I do not want to erase their little fingerprints, and the happy memories those fingerprints contain.

Sending love and prayers to all Protective Moms and their precious Children!

xoxo

Source: http://www.ponderabout.com

The Way I Love You: Child’s Poem to Mom by EJ Perth (poetry)

The Way I Love You 

The way I love you will never end.

It will keep going on and on

The love is always on, never needs batteries

It runs on love.

I love you like Taylor Swift.

Poem by (Child’s name)

Happy Mother’s Day Mom

Thanks for cooking are meals taking us to fun places spoiling us and having us. We have some fun times together and some bad but I love you.

Mom you rock! 🙂 Love (Child’s name)

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Mommy Loves You More than I can Say, Mijo by E.V. (Poetry)

My heart hiccuped
as I gently opened your bedroom door
& beheld you sleeping
in the same position I had left you in 4 hrs ago…

Were you alright?
Just sleeping soundly,
finally “like a teenager”
even as I puzzled over how you COULD sleep
with the vacuum running downstairs…

I admired your long lean limbs,
the full curve of your sweet lips gently parted,
your tousled hair.

You took my hand & squeezed it
for a long tender moment
as you stretched into consciousness –
that meant the world to me.

I now understand those Victorian poets,
waxing rhapsodic about the merest touch,
feasting my eyes upon you on this,
our last day together for a while.
Mommy loves you more than I can say, mijo.
E.V. © 2015 Love Letters To Our Children
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