I remember you last….
Standing at the edge of your crib
Your eyes so bright
Your smile, toothless,
Drool pooling on your chin.
Just like every morning,
I kissed your head,
And lifted your chubby body
From the crib
You snuggled against me
My heart rose in my chest
Like a blazing sun.
I remember running out
Of coffee creamer,
And tipping a bottle of formula
Into my cup.
I remember your hands
Stained with sweet potato baby food,
You drew crazy spirals on your tray,
And I imagined those hands, one day…
Would be an artist, a builder, a teacher
Someone great and important
But always my baby.
You are forever a baby in my memory
I lost custody when you were so young…
The “protective order” did little to protect me,
Because in the end he hurt me
In the worst way possible…
By taking you from me.
In my memory you are still that happy baby,
In reality, you will be graduating from high school.
I have tried to write letters and send gifts
Did you get them?
I have tried to see you,
But was always turned away.
And when he moved away,
I was not given a forwarding address.
But I stayed in our home,
Keeping your room exactly the way you left,
You softie blanket is still folded in your crib
And your starry mobile hangs at the window,
Dust has collected on your tiny clothes,
I did not change a thing…
Hoping one day you would return.
Now, as you graduate from high school,
Do you wonder about me?
Or ask who I am?
I am your Mommy
The first one you smiled at
The one who answered your cries in the night
The one who encouraged your sweet potato artistry
The heart that throbbed when you placed your
Small head against my chest.
I am where you left me,
Standing near your crib,
Awaiting your smile,
Just like every morning.
© E.J. Perth 2015 Love Letters To Our Children
I wrote this for the Protective Mothers who are dealing with the loss of their children during the graduation season; you are in my prayers. xoxo