|To my little birds, for whom I will forever ache, missing under my wings since 12/13/2012…
Gone, but always on my mind and in the hole in my heart that can only be filled by you,
A, R, R, Z. You are forever in my prayers and thoughts.
My hope is that you are truly happy, genuinely allowed to enjoy your childhood, and that you do not suffer paralyzing grief because of our separation.
I hold hope in my heart that one day we can sweep up the pieces, laugh and cry about all we have lost/missed, and can never again be forcibly kept apart.
This poem is by Emily Dickinson…and is my dreaded, daily reminder of you, my sweet Angelbabies…love you to the moon and back, more than ice cream, and forever and always…
“Quite empty, quite at rest,
A.R.R.Z In My Heart © 2016 Love Letters To Our Children
Some of the Things Your Real Mommy Loves About You, but Not All
Sunday, August 10, 2014, Day # 801 Without You, May This Message Find You My Little Love… Mommy’s Sunflower,
You used to giggle in your sleep, and that is how Mommy knew you were happy.
Mommy holding you, 6 mos. old, in front of church
1. All of Your Fantastic Smiles– mischievous (as in, “I just hid something so that you can’t find it, but I want you to find it”), sweet and angelic (like when you used to come and hug Mommy and pray with her or cuddle up and read with Mommy), thrilled and excited (while you clap your hands together and put them under your chin and giggle as if awaiting a Christmas present), wry (smirk as in, “Ha-ha, funny, but you didn’t fool me”), competitive (as in, “Mommy, I’m tired and can’t run anymore”…and then you sprint ahead and beat Mommy to the next mile-marker on the track), happy (as if enjoying a Happy Meal or playing troll under the bridge at the park with Mommy), the epiphany smile (as in, “Hey, I figured it out!”), Content, the Reciprocal Smile (smile back at someone smiling at you),….etc.;
2. The Way You Giggled in Your Sleep as a Baby and Then Talked In Your Sleep Just Like Mommy;
3. Your Sweet Little Laugh that I/Mommy could just bottle-up and sell with a pretty bow around it;
4. Your Spirit;
5. Your Comedy;
6. Your Wit and Sense of Humor;
7. Your intelligence, giftedness;
8. Your joie de vie, the joy of life, our happiness;
9. Your Adorable Little Face with the “apples” Mommy could just eat right out of those cute cheeks;
10. How you “stole Mommy’s eyes” and put them in yours;
11. The way you used to say, “Grr, Grr,” as a sign of affection in the morning or at night;
12. How You Used to Love to Snuggle with Mummy and Read at Bedtime;
13. Your endurance jogging and walking in Memorial Park and at Bear Creek Soccer Park with Mommy;
14. Your courage;
15. Your excitement when you got a new toy;
16. Your strength;
17. How Easy You Were to Please and How Easily Amused You Were;
18. How You Never Wanted to Leave Mommy, Just Like Mommy Never Wanted to Leave You for a Second;
19. Holding You as a Little Baby;
20. Your Pictures;
21. Your Sweetness and Light from the Lord; and
22. Your Bear Hugs and Kisses;
23. Your Helpfulness;
24. Your practical common sense;
25. Your well-rounded talents and how you were good at everything you tried;
26. Your Creativity and Imagination;
27. How Good You are at Memory Game;
28. Playing Operation, Hungry, Hungry Hippos, and Bingo and Boggle with You;
29. Taking Care of You When You Were Sick;
30. Shopping for You;
31. How special and unique you are, your Brilliance;
32. Your fascination with nature as a little child;
33. Your Determination;
34. Your Boldness Combined With Your Humility and Unpredictable Caution;
35. The Way You Loved Your Daddy and Mommy; and of course,
36. Watching You Sleep.
But this is just a short list, for Mommy will always love everything about you, and I will always be here for you as long at the Lord lets me. You should remember this every time you see a beautiful, bright, mysterious moon, a pretty sunflower, when you hold a good book, when you go swimming at the pool, go to the park, put a sticker on your hand like Mommy used to do so that you knew she was thinking about you whenever you looked at it at pre-school, whenever you ace a spelling test on Fridays, whenever you see a pretty bird take flight in the sky, know that Mommy is near like a Momma bird is never far from her nest of babies, even when she has to go and forage for food to bring back to them.
I love you, my little angel! I miss you every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Another first day of school is almost here for you–the third one in a-row (all of them) that they have kept you away from your Mommy. My heart breaks thinking about this. I do hope you are happy, my love, but I also hope you never stop thinking about your real Mommy and coming home as soon as possible. You can always come home. “Home is where the heart is.”
Sweetheart, my only “child,” my son, you are a rare gem, a jewel that sparkles like no other will ever sparkle for your Mummy. You are truly one in a million, and cannot and will not be replaced in my heart. Again, I will see you in my dreams, if I am lucky.
Your real mummy, unconditionally, no matter what, forever
© F.C.F 2015 Love Letters To Our Children
I remember you last….
Standing at the edge of your crib
Your eyes so bright
Your smile, toothless,
Drool pooling on your chin.
Just like every morning,
I kissed your head,
And lifted your chubby body
From the crib
You snuggled against me
My heart rose in my chest
Like a blazing sun.
I remember running out
Of coffee creamer,
And tipping a bottle of formula
Into my cup.
I remember your hands
Stained with sweet potato baby food,
You drew crazy spirals on your tray,
And I imagined those hands, one day…
Would be an artist, a builder, a teacher
Someone great and important
But always my baby.
You are forever a baby in my memory
I lost custody when you were so young…
The “protective order” did little to protect me,
Because in the end he hurt me
In the worst way possible…
By taking you from me.
In my memory you are still that happy baby,
In reality, you will be graduating from high school.
I have tried to write letters and send gifts
Did you get them?
I have tried to see you,
But was always turned away.
And when he moved away,
I was not given a forwarding address.
But I stayed in our home,
Keeping your room exactly the way you left,
You softie blanket is still folded in your crib
And your starry mobile hangs at the window,
Dust has collected on your tiny clothes,
I did not change a thing…
Hoping one day you would return.
Now, as you graduate from high school,
Do you wonder about me?
Or ask who I am?
I am your Mommy
The first one you smiled at
The one who answered your cries in the night
The one who encouraged your sweet potato artistry
The heart that throbbed when you placed your
Small head against my chest.
I am where you left me,
Standing near your crib,
Awaiting your smile,
Just like every morning.
© E.J. Perth 2015 Love Letters To Our Children
I wrote this for the Protective Mothers who are dealing with the loss of their children during the graduation season; you are in my prayers. xoxo
…You are mine, I am yours, the reason we’re not together
Is because they wanna keep us apart
All this time, (in my life) each and every day
You’re always on my mind, and the memories still remain.
God bless you and protect you and refine you, purify you and preserve you through the fire. God bless all the children.
J.D © 2013 Love Letters To Our Children
As I look at you
I realized how
blessed I am
To see you grow
to see you play
to see you near
to hold you dear
To see you change
day by day.
Now I pray
to see you again
to hold you
to snuggle you
to comfort you
to look you in your eyes and say “I love you tooo much”
You’ve both grown in such a short time
I know neither of you will ever forget your hearts are always tied with mine
I never thought
that I would have
two beautiful sons
to brighten my life.
When you were born
to God I prayed
to let me see you
grow in His faith.
We still have plenty of time together and more memories to make.
That is something no one can take!
Although you are both not here with me
if you get lost along your way, not sure what to do or what to say.
Know that I’m present in spirit and soul with open arms and a hand for you always to hold.
God gave me two amazing sons,
through all the pain not having you near
I will never give up faith that you’ll both be here.
I am blessed, blessed to be your Mommy.
Celia © 2015 Love Letters To Our Children
Were you alright?
I admired your long lean limbs,
You took my hand & squeezed it
I now understand those Victorian poets,
I am writing this to you so we have a record of this and something now that I have to do because of finances. I purchased your work uniform for you because I was excited and happy that you are venturing out now into the work force. I realize now that this is something that should have been discussed with your dad as it does not only involve you because you are needing us to take you to your job and have us pick you up. I spoke with you on how I was happy to know that I have a vehicle to pick you up, not like how grandma had to wait for me because I had to take the bus home from my first job. This is something your dad and I should be in sync together because of the rising costs in gas and the now separate lives that we live. Your dad’s clinic laundry will not be done at my house and on my weekends, nor will you clean the clinic on my weekends. Do you see how this can become very complicated when weekends are not consistent. Being a student and teenager is enough of a load for you. I know that mediation was hard for you but that is why it is there so that we can come to agreements and make life easier for you.
Legally now I need to keep track of everything that I spend. Bottom line, everyone gets a schedule to work ahead of time and I as well as your dad need to see that schedule. You will not be in the middle of trying to fix things, that is way too much pressure for you. This is why I need to have this in writing. I hope we never have to experience what we did last weekend. Our weekends should not be like this.
Know that you are loved and we need to be responsible parents to guide you and help you through these sometimes difficult situations.
I can’t tell you how proud I am of both you and your brother. Divorce is never easy in any family and sometimes to hide the hurt we feel we turn to things like drugs or drinking. I was a teen once and there is a difference of experimenting and doing something not healthy to cover how we feel.
I know and trust that you will make the right choices and know the consequences if you don’t. I have seen this in your brother and I am so proud of him as well.
You will always have my unconditional love.
© S.G 2015 Love Letters To Our Children
My boy; I miss you and my heart aches.
Be a strong boy for Mamma. Look up at the moon and stars at night like we use to do together and know I am looking too. I think about you every second and dream about you every night.
Remember your Pirates costume? You use to wear it grocery shopping . I love you more than words can say.
Mamma never abandoned you. Please know family court gave me no choice. I know some day I will be together with you again. You are always my boy. Love you so much it hurts. Mamma.
© Ruby 2013 Love Letters To Our Children