Merry Christmas to The Quintessential Hero- The Protective Mother

Of all the rights of woman, the greatest is to be a mother― Lin Yutang

As we once again face the holidays, many protective mothers are without their precious children. The pain of having to live a life under these circumstances is unbearable.

We know because we also live it.

In times like this our grief and loss is felt three fold. Once for ourselves, once for our children and once for all the other protective mothers and children who one day found themselves in a nightmarish club of mothers in which they never wanted a membership- the Protective Mother.

In times like this we wish we could reach through our computers and give you a big warm nurturing hug. We wish we had a magic wand to wave and bring your children back. We wish we could erase the memory of the trauma and pain for both you and your children, heal you and make you whole and happy again.

If we could speak to your estranged child we would let them know how very special their mother is.

How she fought for you when she had nothing left in her to fight. How she spent years, and in some cases, decades putting her life on hold sacrificing her happiness, health and finances just to protect you from control, and abuse while keeping you safe in her arms.

Day after day dealing with attorneys, who betrayed and demeaned her, while quickly and greedily devouring her finances. Appearing in court before Judges who bullied and controlled her. Attending endless meetings with Evaluators, Therapists and Guardian Ad Litems who make her jump through impossible, and inhumane high hoops that your other parent was not forced to jump through.

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Did she jump? Oh yes. Over and over and over again your protective mother twisted herself up, denied her pain , took the torture and abuse with a quiet smile on her face and a small exasperated sigh.

Lied on repeatedly , humiliated and abused your mother soldiered on, just for you- for the unstoppable, unconditional love your protective mother has for you runs deeper than anything you can ever imagine.

Isn’t this what heroes do? Heroes absorb the pain take the abuse and live the sacrifice, for the greater good. In this case , the greater good was protecting you.

We would tell these children that their mother is not just any mother, she is not just a single mother. Your mother is all that, yet so much more. Your Protective Mother is a beautiful light in this dark world, she is a warrior for truth and justice, she is an angel of love.

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Yes, the greatest right for a woman is to be a mother, but for women who had this right unjustly stripped from them due to corruption, misogyny, ignorance, and greed, they had to claw , dig and sustain the deepest of wounds that may never heal from their nobel fight.Your Protective Mother was fueled by the fire of her deep love for you burning in her heart and soul. Your Protective Mother attempted to regain this right so both of you can be happy together, loving each other in peace and free from all forms of control and abuse. Your Protective Mother is not just any mother, she is a super mother -the quintessential hero.

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For all the Protective Mothers this Holiday who are without their precious children, PMA International wants you to know- you have our love, respect, support and understanding – always. Here’s to a better New Year.
The PMA International Team

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Imagine By G.S (Letter to a Family Court Judge)

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Happy Father’s Day To The Good Dads/ Janice Levinson Protective Mothers’ Alliance International Executive Director/ Co-founder

Protective Mothers' Alliance International

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What Makes A Good Dad????

I posed this question to our PMA International Protective Moms, Advocates, Administrators, Leaders, and Members. We came up with the following list:

Note: this list also applies to dads no longer in a relationship with the mother of their child/children

1. Any dad who supports the mother of his child/children emotionally, physically, and financially.

2. Dads who teach their child/children by words and actions to respect their mothers and women in general.

3. Any dad who sets an example for his child/ children that his family is always his priority.

4. Dads who stand firm as a role model for his child/ children of honesty, integrity, dependability, and kindness.

5. Dads who are available for their families emotionally and physically.

6. All dads who role model for their child/children positive work ethics.

7. All dads who discipline in a firm, yet fair and loving way.

8…

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Happy Mother’s Day To All Hero Protective Moms

This is for all Hero Protective Mothers but especially those with empty arms and hurting hearts who are missing their children every second of every day. We understand that you are deeply hurting this weekend- Mother’s Day weekend. Know that no matter what, you ARE your children’s mother. No one -and certainly no court- can take away this God-given role in your children’s lives. Please know this in your heart. Love Letters and PMA INTL. celebrates you, Protective Mom. We deeply understand the unconditional love and heroic sacrifices you have made to protect your children from abuse and harm. You are modern day heroes. Love Letters and PMA INTL strongly believes that you will go down in history as such. We love and support you and your precious children now and forever. You are always in our hearts. Happy Mother’s Day!

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Heart Torn in Two By M.R.M (Poetry)

Though I didn’t know you, still you grew a part of me, suddenly aware of the child within, wondering Who would you be like and how would you react…
as years gone by colored by the lies you were told, when would that truth I knew as fact unfold?
First it was my body that surrounded you so close, then it was my womb that protected you with every battered dose,
I crawled on hands and knees to try and get away, from the biological co-creator who kicked, slapped and strangled me.
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It wasn’t myself for whom I was concerned, it was the unborn child who may never know just how much hate their mother had to endure.
Did it make me strong, or was I too weak to be bold? The depths of despair of a woman pregnant with new life, only tears of fear that threatened daily that scared wife.
So whatever it is I didn’t tell you, this you must know, It was your life that saved mine with every hit I took, and I’m so very sorry for all the horrors that horrid man I call a crook.
Think what you want but someday you shall see, God gave me you, despite the violent abuse against me.
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Forever my Love goes on and my heart is torn in two, simply because of your resentment for my doing whatever I knew how to do.
Surviving is not thriving, and freedom was a fight, every day I think of you and forgiveness is my plight.
I left that man who bruised every part of who I was, and now I live to shout and fight for what is noble and what is right.
You my dear child I cry for in the middle of each night.
With Love yesterday, today and every tomorrow, Your Mom xoxo
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Dory’s Purple Shells – An Encouraging Message for Protective Mothers

“Finding Dory” (2016, Pixar) is a touching animated movie about a fish named Dory who gets separated from her parents at a young age, and goes on a journey in search of them. Guiding Dory are the memories she has held onto all of her life. Since Dory suffers from “short term remembery loss” she is guided by only glimpses of her past, and along with it, the sense of home, and feeling of belonging.

Years pass. Dory meets new friends, including a quirky fish named Nemo, that become like family. One day, Dory’s memory gets triggered, and she is compelled to find her lost family.When Dory was young, her parents set out a trail of purple shells to teach her how to find her way back home, she follows it.  So Dory sets off on an epic journey to find her parents.

Dory’s parents spent years forming trails for her to follow – up and down valleys, across distances and through the dark currents of the ocean, in the hopes that she would eventually find them.

“Finding Dory” offers a powerful message for Protective Mothers separated from their children that is familiar to those who have experienced this particular kind of pain, grief and loss.  

And for children separated from their mothers, what Dory felt may also be familiar – missing family, fear of rejection and the emotional experience of trying to piece together memories.

The purple shells are what connect Dory to her parents, and trigger the memories that eventually lead her home. The tiny shells are unremarkable in the vastness of the ocean. At times the sandy floor washes over them, and they disappear. But Dory is not alone, with the support of her friends, she finds her way.

What are your purple shells? Each parent and child has something special or shares something that links them together. It could be a physical or emotional reminder. A trinket, photograph, a prayer or special song, a drawing or toy etc

You can also create “purple shells” to honor your parent/child or to preserve special memories. Some ideas: scrap booking, releasing balloons on special occasions, lighting a candle, spiritual celebration, talking with friends/family, writing a letter etc.

Create a Path in the ways you can. Find creative ways to connect to or reach out to your parent/child if possible. Use your shells to bridge the distance. Seek support to help cope with the loss or grief.

Another message in “Finding Dory” is that Dory, and her parents, never gave up hope. The love they have for each other is unconditional. For those mothers/children who are estranged from each other, and have no contact or communication, there is a value in hope. And value in holding onto the love you share. Through love, we maintain our “purple shells”, our connection to our family – and it does not diminish with time or distance.

Also, when Dory was separated from her parents she found other ways to express her energy and love, and was able to channel her loss in a positive direction. You see that especially in her unique optimism, and her loyalty to friends. Though a loss of a parent/child can never be replaced, we can channel the expression of our love, and what that person meant to us, in other areas of our life. Or use that love to make a positive difference in the world. Some ideas: volunteer, be a friend, participate in community groups/activities, do something in memory of your loved one, fight for a cause, raise awareness, join a prayer chain etc

Final message – Never give up!

~ EJ, 2016.

Another Perspective:  

Mother, Carrie Goldman, shares her thoughts after watching “Finding Dory” with her family. Carrie’s teen daughter was profoundly moved by the movie. Carrie shares insights from her perspective of “Finding Dory” and on her daughter’s reaction to it. Finding Dory: Why It Made My Seventh Grader Cry by Carrie Goldman